An ode to oats The humble oat sown, grown, watered, flourished, picked, plucked, chaffed, stored, hauled, carried, and delivered milled, stoned, ground, heated, pressed, dried, rolled, chopped, chipped, and packaged soaked, salted, sweetened, cooked, baked, roasted, toasted, and topped the majestic oat

Coping in the era of the virus that shall not be named. May edition. What a crazy time we are all living through. With nurses and doctors begging for PPE and essential workers of every type facing an enormous death toll, we are all looking for ways to support the front lines. Some choose donating, others volunteer blood or time. I too have found my calling. In this time of great need, the comprehensive guide we have all been waiting for is here! You may be wondering, how will I pay my bills? How will I get this screaming child to ‘remotely learn’? Well let me tell you: I don't know. However, if you are a yuppy twenty something year old, board out of your mind as you work from home, I’ve got just the thing. I have diligently tried every covid-distraction in existence, and here’s what I've found. Making lemonade. Have you been wondering, ‘how can I really take advantage of this forced isolation and confinement’? Or maybe ‘how can I live out that little-house-on-the-prairie fantasy of my youth’? Well I’ve got some lemonade you can make out of them lemons! Well not lemonade … but bread! Perfect for whiling away the afternoon, and feeling accomplished even though all you’ve done in weeks is binge watch Tiger King. Now some may say you are stealing their flour, but live a little! Have some fun! Break out that flour and learn how to wait. 3 out of 4 for flour fights with roommates, 21 out of 23 for having something to instagram at the end of an eventless day. Book clubs on book clubs. Some may say book clubs are for moms. Others say they’re just for Oprah. But in this time of great upset and societal upheaval, the club of books is open to all! In fact, don’t let traditional norms of ‘limited free time’ and ‘conflicting commitments’ hold you back! We all know you have only free time, and no conflicts to speak of. Join two! Or five! However many you want. Because this is a time of reflection. And commitment. And of trying to convince yourself to do something productive some of the time. 83 out of 100 for coping with one-hundred weeks of solitude. 9 out of 12 for loving in the time of covid. And #1 way to understand the tale of two viruses. Well, actually just one.. Some friendly competition. If you haven’t tried it yet, Jackbox is a fun-for-all-ages adventure into the world of trivia, word play, and so much more. An adventure well worth a visit. If you wish you could be panic-typing words that loosely describe ‘the worst name for a pinball machine’ and kicking yourself for not being more whimsical, this is the game for you! You can get out all of that aggression and competition in a safe group of friends, rather than plotting to murder your loved ones or roommates who you spend every waking second with. Really a win win win win! (Four wins!) We give this coping strategy a 5 out of 7 for originality, a 8 out of 13 for social interaction, and a 10 out of 10 for zoom glitches that make you lose the round. Parenthood. Some are exploring bedroom options, but with the nine month cooking time, the rewards there are simply too delayed for corona-times. So we’ve found a far better solution. Plant babies! Start by buying more seeds then any sane person could possibly use; nurture those seeds with some dirt lugged from your nearest outdoor-store. In a pinch, you can also bring a bag to each of the planters in your area and siphon that sweet sweet soil from public coffers. Fill as many containers of any kind with your findings, and then wait. Like any new parent, there is a germination period that is anxiety inducing and painful. Will my baby ever blossom? Will it turn out to be a dud? Will it love me the way I love it? These worries are normal, but calm down. If your baby makes it into the world, you will have the chance to overparrent it like every other doting progenitor. Over water it, over weed it, stare at it every moment of its life. What a joy! 2 out of 2 for bringing meaning back into your life. 4 out of 5 for warmly welcoming the next generation into this ever-warming, coronavirus-infested world. Can’t get enough? New reviews available every week! Don’t forget to subscribe, follow, etc etc etc. We know you have nothing else to do. See you next time! xx Corona-copers anon

Stasis Inactivity or equilibrium Not moving forward Not moving backward Doesn't mean balanced Doesn't mean still In stasis we churn Or I churn Transforming my own matter No control No indication of what has changed It changes too completely Leaving no evidence of what is different

It seems a mark of the 21st century that relationships are made and sustained at greater and greater distances. [Thank you technology.] An acute phenomenon of relating to people second hand rather than first. Ameliorated by the 2020 pandemic, the second becomes first. Distanced contact becomes the preferred form – at least temporarily. Here we see how the balcony becomes a driver of connection, and simultaneously a bubble. A space of freedom and confinement. A space of joy and melancholy. A space to safely bond with another.